


The Naked Then

by InsideMyBrain



Category: Star Trek: Lower Decks (Cartoon)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Awkwardness, Beckett being outta pocket, Canon-Typical Gratuitous References, Canon-Typical Violence, Drunken Shenanigans, Episode Style, F/F, F/M, Flirting, Hook-Up, Kissing, M/M, Mushrooms, Sex Pollen, Sexual Humor, Sexual Tension, Singing, Star Trek Secret Santa, Star Trek Secret Santa 2020, The Naked Now, Time Travel, Transporter Malfunction, mariner and tendi acting like drunk girls in a club bathroom, the tiniest bit of angst for flavour
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:15:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27878214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsideMyBrain/pseuds/InsideMyBrain
Summary: "An away mission is only routine until it isn't. Horned gorillas, sentient tar, spores that make you hook up with your best friend's sister; all disasters I've personally experienced on missions that should have been a walk in the park." - Cmdr. Ransom, 1x03When Rutherford messes around with the transporter again, he unknowingly sends himself a few years into the past, before he was stationed on the Cerritos.(Written from the prompts "the naked now, but it's lower decks" and "transporter accident")
Relationships: Beckett Mariner/D'Vana Tendi, Brad Boimler/Beckett Mariner, Sam Rutherford/Andy Billups, Sam Rutherford/D'Vana Tendi
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9
Collections: Star Trek Secret Santa 2020





	1. Cold Open

**Author's Note:**

> written for tumblr user @ilikeds9 for Star Trek Secret Santa 2020.

“First officer’s log, Stardate 57929.5,” Ransom said, folding his arms behind his head and leaning back in his desk chair. The stars floated serenely outside of the window beside him, and he gazed out at them as he recorded his log. “The Cerritos has been tasked with providing support to the USS Yellowknife, a research vessel conducting experiments on a black hole in the Beta Quadrant.” His gaze shifted from the twinkling lights to the cold expanse of nothingness that was the black hole. His reflection in the glass looked handsomely back at him, and he winked at himself before continuing. “Of course, its immense gravitational pull could suck both ships in and kill us all instantly, but with both the shields and gravitational controls onboard the Cerritos and the Yellowknife adjusted to compensate, we’ll be fine. Experiments are set to start tomorrow, and the crew is working hard to get all the necessary prep work done.”

* * *

“Prepare to be amazed,” Rutherford said dramatically, gesturing towards the transporter with a flourish. Mariner, Boimler, and Tendi looked on skeptically. “What?”

”If by amazed you mean to see someone get turned into a phase-y ghost,” said Boimler, “then I think I’m ready.”

”Oh come on,” Rutherford replied. “That was one time! Besides, it’s unlikely that bug will happen again, I didn’t try to make the transporter faster this time.”

”That’s a relief,” Mariner said. "That phasing noise has to be in the top five most annoying noises to come from Boimler."

"Hey!"

“This time I modified her so that the coordinates would be more accurate,” he continued, ignoring Mariner's dig. “You see, every time a person is transported to a set of coordinates, certain tiny anomalies like differences in the air molecules between locations alter where they end up, but only slightly. I wanted to see if I could refine that, so I created an algorithm that could sense these tiny anomalies and adjust for them accordingly.” He patted the side of the transporter console. “It could come in real handy if you need to beam someone in or out of a really tight space.”

”It sounds awesome!” Tendi cheered. “...I’m not being your test subject, though.”

”Agreed.”

"Same."

Rutherford waved off their cautiousness. “Don’t worry! I was planning on using it myself first, anyway. See that piece of tape on the floor?” He indicated a yellow strip of space tape across the room, a little scuffed and dirty but still bright against the dull grey metal of the floor.

”Yep.”

”Yeah.”

“I am going to transport myself standing on my tiptoes right on to that piece of tape and that piece of tape only - I will not be touching the floor,” he declared.

Tendi leaned forward. “Now this I’m eager to see.” 

Rutherford beamed at her, then quickly programmed the coordinates into the control panel. He hopped up on to the transporter pad and, standing on tiptoes, said, “computer, energize.” Then, he faded away in a shimmering ray of white light.

The three turned their gaze quickly on the piece of tape, waiting for him to re-materialize. When he didn’t for a few long moments, Mariner spoke cautiously. “He’s supposed to re-appear, right?”

Tendi bit her lip. “Uh oh.”

* * *

”First officer’s log, Stardate 53208.3,” Ransom said, folding his arms behind his head and leaning back in his desk chair. “The Cerritos’ second assignment ever, and it’s another easy one. I love to see it.” He chuckled as he gazed out the window of his new quarters.

Outside, the brand-new USS Cerritos gleamed as it shot through space, cutting the darkness ahead of it like a good sailing ship’s prow.


	2. Act I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [insert lower decks theme song]

“We’re scheduled to make second contact with the Mycabolar, a unique species whose entire ecosystem is made up of different types of fungi,” Ransom continued. “I’m sure we’ll get along, as I’m a pretty _fun guy_ myself, heh heh.” He paused, then sighed. “No, that was bad. Computer, delete those last two sentences.” A quiet chime sounded as the computer complied, and he cleared his throat. “Anyway, we beam down in- oh shit. We beam down in five minutes. Computer, end recording.”

* * *

“Aha! It worked!” Rutherford cried, watching his raised feet materialize on the yellow strip of tape. “Thank God, I was actually kinda scared it wouldn't work, 'cause I was having a lot of problems recalibrating the phase matrix and...” he trailed off as he looked around and realized his friends weren’t there. “...Getting the beam through the subthermal processors? Uh, guys? You here?” He asked, stepping away from the tape. Only silence responded. He frowned. “Did you guys all hide or something when I was phasing?” he called. “Pretty good prank.” 

Still no response, so Rutherford switched his implant to x-ray mode and did a sweep of the room, looking through the furniture and boxes of equipment to see if anyone was hiding behind them. No one was, so he switched it back to normal mode.

”Aw man. Maybe they went back to the bunks?” he reasoned hopefully to himself. A little hurt that his friends had seemingly abandoned him during the middle of his demonstration, he nonetheless set off to find them, heading out the door and down the hall to the lower decks’ sleeping area.

* * *

Mariner jumped to her feet and tapped her commbadge immediately. “Computer, locate Ensign Sam Rutherford.”

”Ensign Rutherford is in Secondary Transporter Room,” the computer said. 

“Uh, no he’s not,” Boimler said. 

“Might be broken,” Mariner shrugged. “Computer, locate Ensign Beckett Mariner.” 

“Ensign Mariner is in Secondary Transporter Room.” 

“Probably not broken, then," said Boimler.

”Yeah, I think we got that," she replied sarcastically. "Maybe he's invisible." She lunged forward, swiping at the air. She did it again a few more times, Boimler stifling giggles behind her. "Oh shut up, it's not like you haven't looked stupider for less."

"Maybe he's not invisible, and he's just stuck in the transporter buffer," Boimler pointed out. "It happened to Scotty."

"That's worse, man, what's wrong with you?"

“Uh, guys?” Tendi spoke up. “This might sound a little bit crazy, but maybe he went back in time?” In response to their blank looks, she said, “think about it. Rutherford’s algorithm compensates for anomalies. Right now, we’re next to a black hole, and the ship’s artificial gravity has been adjusted so that we don’t get pulled in. That’s a _huge_ anomaly! If the algorithm tried to factor in the gravity shift and something went wrong, it could have transported him across the curve of the fabric of space, and back in time!”

Mariner and Boimler shared a confused look before Mariner laid a hand on her shoulder. “I'll take your word for it, Tends.”

"Wait, this doesn't make any sense." Boimler shook his head. "If he's in the past, how can the computer still sense him?" 

"Gravity stuff?" Tendi tried. "Rutherford would know the specifics. But I'm pretty sure a large gravitational pull can make the continuity of time a little wonky. Especially now that we have a link established with the past." She gestured to the transporter. 

"Okay, so all we gotta do is use the transporter to go into the past and bring him back," Mariner said brightly.

"What? No!" Boimler cried. "No way, I am not having a temporal violation on my record."

"It's only a temporal violation if we get caught," Mariner corrected him. 

He ignored her in favour of continuing: "besides, we don't even know that's what happened to him!" 

"Well, we know for pretty sure," Tendi muttered.

Boimler began to pace, his anxiety clearly spiking. "And what if it doesn't send us back to when Rutherford was? What if it sends us to before the Cerritos existed and we just get dropped in the vacuum of space totally unprotected?!"

"We know Rutherford is alive thanks to the computer, so as long as we do everything exactly like he did we should be fine," Mariner countered.

"The transporter keeps a log of every action performed." Tendi walked around to the transporter console and started tapping the screen. "I'll just go into history and select the transport he performed, and we should be good to go."

"You're seriously okay with this?" Boimler asked, as she selected the procedure and Mariner hopped up on to the transporter pad. "What about, like, continuity? The timeline?"

"The only danger to the timeline at the moment is Rutherford," Tendi replied. "If he doesn't realize he's in the past, he could be doing damage to the timeline as we speak! Or, well, he could have done," she corrected herself. "Or is it, could have been doing?" She shook her head. "Either way, Rutherford's my best friend. If he's in trouble, I have to help him." She joined Mariner on the pad. 

"Quit buggin'," Mariner told him. "We know this ship like the back of our hands; we'll just stay out of sight and that way we won't disrupt the timeline. Now, are you coming or not?"

Boimler wavered for a moment before groaning and stepping up to stand beside them. "I hate it here."

"Computer, energize."

* * *

In the main transporter room, five figures materialized on the transporter pad. Ransom sighed in a self-satisfied manner as he stepped down. "Ah, another mission gone smoothly." He grinned at his friend, a command Lieutenant holding a now-empty bag of Federation welcome gifts. "You know, being a First Officer is a lot more chill than I suspected. I almost wish we were put in mortal danger or had a space mystery to solve!" He laughed, wiping sweat off his brow.

"You know it," his friend replied. "What do you say we grab a beer to celebrate? My sister's visiting this week too, I could introduce you."

"Hell yeah," Ransom said, dapping him up. "This right here, this is why you're my best friend, Wilkinson."

Wilkinson put down the empty bag, and they set off down the hall to the bar. "So, what's your sister do?" Ransom could be heard asking. "She in Starfleet?"

"Oh no, she works on a research asteroid."

Once at the bar, Ransom and Wilkinson spotted a woman waving them over to a table at the far end. They joined her, Wilkinson sliding in the booth to sit beside her and Ransom taking his seat across from her. Dressed in dark blue, with long, thick dark hair braided down the side, Ransom gave her a _very_ thorough once-over. 

"Henry!" she said, embracing her brother. "It's so good to see you again."

"Same here." He pulled back and gestured to Ransom. "Clarice, this is Jack Ransom. Jack, this is my sister Clarice."

"I must say, it is very nice to meet you in the flesh," Ransom said, extending a hand. "Your beauty is astounding."

She gave him a coy smile. "I'd heard you were a smooth talker." She took his hand. "Ooh, with a firm grip as well. I like that in a man."

Ransom grinned. "Well, you kind of need one when you're the only one holding the line between your Captain and mortal danger."

Clarice cocked an eyebrow. " _And_ self-assured. Perhaps a bit too much so."

"Oh, I always give my all," he told her. "If I'm not at 100%, my performance isn't satisfactory."

"Oh, so it's all a performance?"

"Not at all."

Wilkinson glanced between the two of them. They seemed entranced by each other, still gripping hands and eyes locked together. "Uh, guys? You do realize I'm still here, right?"

"Looking into your eyes, I could never be insincere," Ransom continued. "Their depth and beauty must conceal the truths of the universe."

"Alright, let's tone it down," Wilkinson interrupted, shifting in his seat uncomfortably. 

"Shut up, Henry," Clarice snapped, her gaze never leaving Ransom's face. "Tell me more about my eyes."

Ransom kissed her knuckles. "Gladly. All the stars in the galaxy- nay, the universe, could not compete with how brilliantly they sparkle. They are the beautiful windows to a beautiful soul, as you are a woman I'd love to be insi- I mean, a woman I'm sure is as beautiful on the inside as on the outside."

"Kiss me," Clarice sighed breathlessly, appearing not to notice Ransom's slip of the tongue, and dragged him across the table. Their lips met, and soon enough Ransom's tongue was slipping in a different way, much to Wilkinson's horror and confusion.

"Oh, God, uh guys? Guys?" He tried, as they ignored him in favour of chewing each others faces off. "I- uh, okay, that's not appropriate for- oh God, okay, now you're lying on top of the table." He jumped up out of his seat and tapped his commbadge. "Wilkinson to Dr. T'Ana."

"T'Ana here," her voice came through. 

"It's, uh, Commander Ransom, Doctor. And my sister."

"Spit it out Wilkinson, I don't have all day," T'Ana snapped.

"I don't even know how to explain it," he said, wincing as their moans attracted the attention of everyone else in the bar. "It's like they're both wasted, but neither of them have even had one drink! You'd better send a medical team to the bar."

* * *

Rutherford glanced around at the empty bunk beds despairingly. Beta shift was all supposed to be working at the moment, so their hall was deserted. No sign of his friends. He sighed, scratching the back of his neck. "They really just left like that... Oh well, I guess our buffer time was running out, anyway. I should get back to work myself." He picked up a PADD lying on his bunk and typed in his ID code to login. An error message popped up in response. "Wrong ID?" he read in confusion. "No user with that ID exists in our database?" He tossed it back on to the bunk and wiped at his sweaty forehead. "I'll just head to Engineering. Billups probably has everyone working to fix whatever this bug in the employee database is." 

With that, he headed down the hall again. Engineering was strangely empty, but he spotted Lt. Cmdr. Billups working at a console on the far end, so he approached him. "Hey, sir," he called. As he walked, he began to feel lightheaded, and his steps faltered a little. He was also noticing that the warp core was glowing a little brighter and all the control panels looked shiny and brand-new. "Huh," he remarked, coming to a stop at the other side of the console. "Have you guys been doing a clean-up in here? Aw man, did I miss all the fun?"

"Uh..." Billups' pupils were blown out when he lifted his head and looked at Rutherford. His eyes flicked downward once, to check his rank, and then again, and again. "No, Ensign, uh... Ensign...?"

"Ha, pretending not to know me! Good one, sir." Feeling a sudden boost of confidence, Rutherford leaned on the console. "Is today April fool's day or something? You know, with Stardates it's hard to tell, and you could argue any Earth holiday can't really be celebrated at the proper time on a starship because time passes so differently in space, but it seems like everybody's messing with me lately."

"Who's to say." Billups typed something into the console. "You're right about the Stardate thing though, God knows I've called my mother on the day _after_ her birthday too many times to count."

"Haha, yeah," Rutherford replied, running a hand through his hair. "Phew. Is it just me, or is it really hot in here?"

"Yeah, it is really hot. It's definitely because of you, though." Billups smirked. 

Rutherford felt his face heat up even further. "I gotta say, I had no idea you could be so smooth. Barnes told me you couldn't talk to women."

Billups just shrugged, a little smile in the corner of his mouth. "Well, you're not a woman."

Rutherford considered this, then nodded, propping his head up on his hand on the console, a sparkle in his eye. "I guess I'm not."

* * *

Mariner, Tendi, and Boimler crept down the hallways of the Cerritos, glancing away and trying to hide their faces whenever someone passed them. Mariner had her arm looped through Tendi's, trying to use her body to shield her friend's from sight - in their time, Tendi was the first and only Orion on the crew, so Mariner knew if someone paid a little too much attention to them, she could tip someone off to the fact that they didn't belong. However, the people who passed them didn't seem all too concerned with looking closely at them, seemingly more occupied with not bumping into the walls as they walked. Boimler reluctantly brought up the rear, wringing his hands and trying not to step on Tendi's heels in his anxiety.

"Can we hurry up?" he whispered. "I don't want to spend any more time here than we have to."

"Dude, stop whispering, you're being really conspicuous right now," Mariner replied. She glanced back at him, her ponytail swishing to hide her face, as a crewmember passed them, his face flushed and giggling to himself.

Boimler allowed himself a quick, confused glance at the back of the crewmember's head before responding to Mariner. "And is it just me, or is something _really_ wrong around here? It's really hot and my heart is all jumpy and- oh God, I can't have a panic attack right _now!_ "

"Hey, hey, it's okay," Tendi said soothingly, reaching back to take his hand. "If you really think about it, we're right where we need to be right now. Time really isn't as linear as humans like to think it is - there's a reason that beings like the Q and the Bajoran prophets can manipulate it so easily."

This gave Boimler some pause. "What are you saying right now?"

"That this is all..." She cast her gaze around for a few moments, seeming to search for the right word. "Destiny," she landed on with a smile.

Boimler slipped his hand out of her grasp and placed it on his chest. His heart was still thudding loudly against his ribcage. "Yeah, that's not helping much."

Mariner stopped walking and turned to him. "Okay, Boims, we can't have you panicking right now - as the resident voice of reason, I need you calm, no matter how annoying that voice of reason can get."

"Thanks, Mariner," he said.

"I'm serious. Just take a few deep breaths. We'll do it with you." She nudged Tendi, who nodded.

"I'm great at walking people through breathing exercises," said Tendi. "Just follow my lead. Breathe in-" she slowly sucked in a breath through her nose, and Mariner and Boimler followed suit- "and breathe out." She let it out through her mouth just as slowly. "Very good. Again, breathe in... and out. You're doing great." She smiled at Boimler, who nodded back. "With every breath, feel the tension leaving your muscles. Breathe in... and out again. Perfect."

"Wow... I actually _do_ feel a lot calmer," Boimler remarked. "Thank you, Tendi."

She beamed. "Of course!"

"I feel really, _really_ relaxed," he continued. "In fact, a little... _too_ relaxed." He furrowed his brow and rubbed his chin.

Mariner hummed, placing a hand on her hip. "That was really impressive, T." 

"There's definitely something wrong around here, but I just don't know what..."

Tendi's cheeks darkened infinitesimally. "Oh, it was nothing, really."

"Don't be so modest!" Mariner admonished her lightly, stroking her arm. "You're _so_ amazing, you know that?"

"Oh my gosh, no, stop." Tendi shook her head. "Beckett Mariner, Space Badass Extraordinaire, telling _me_ I'm amazing?"

"Yeah, because it's true!" Mariner tucked a stray curl behind her ear. "You coded a magical dog with superpowers from scratch!"

"To be fair, the superpowers were accidental, if I knew regular dogs couldn't do all that stuff I wouldn't have-"

"You took down two armed Romulans single-handedly!"

"Well, I was kinda hopped-up on adrenaline at the time-"

"You guys, there's seriously something going on, this level of relaxation I'm feeling is not normal," Boimler insisted. "Maybe it's the change from our altered graviton levels to this Cerritos where the graviton levels are normal? No, otherwise then I'd feel relaxed immediately instead of panicky, I only started feeling better after I took some deep breaths. Maybe there's an airborne virus affecting the ship? That could explain the odd behaviour of the crew we've seen. But I don't recall any incidents of airborne viruses onboard the Cerritos whose effects were just relaxation and disorientation."

"My point is," Mariner said, ignoring Boimler, "you are fucking awesome, you can't deny it." She grinned affectionately. "And, unrelated, but really, _really_ pretty."

Tendi giggled nervously. "Well, I think _you_ are all that, and ten times more."

Mariner draped her arms over Tendi's shoulder and leaned in close. "Oh, really?" 

"But I breathed something in, so it has to be airborne," Boimler continued his rant. "Oh- oh shit, fuck! I think I know what's happening!" He snapped his fingers excitedly. "Yeah, I remember snooping in- I mean, reading one of Commander Ransom's old logs, where the ship was affected by mushroom spores that acted in the body like alcohol, _which entered the body through the respiratory system!_ Guys, are you listening?" Boimler looked around, and did a double take when he saw Mariner and Tendi kissing.

"Huh?!" He blurted, and Mariner pulled away from the kiss to laugh at him. 

"What, man, I can't kiss a pretty girl in front of your virgin eyes?" she teased. 

"First of all, no- I'm not a- no," Boimler stuttered, "and- and second of all, you two are wasted."

"So are you," Tendi pointed out, grinning. 

"If you're jealous, I can solve that problem pretty quick." Mariner threw an arm out toward him, winking. "Besides, you could stand to lose that stick up your ass."

"Uh..." 

"Or maybe," she held up a finger, "you like it up your ass?"

Boimler's face scorched. " _Uh..._ " Luckily, he was saved from replying by the sound of voices around the corner. 

"It's the Captain!" Tendi gasped.

Mariner grabbed both their hands. "Quick, into this closet."

"Seriously?" Boimler muttered disbelievingly. 

She dragged them into a small supply closet, the door closing just as they heard Captain Freeman and Dr. T'Ana turn the corner. Boimler immediately pressed his ear to the door to listen, while Tendi and Mariner resumed their kiss. 

"So far we've got no leads, Captain," T'Ana was saying. "I suspect it's airborne because of how quickly it spread, but we don't have confirmation."

"Well, we'd better find out soon," Freeman said. "No one is being productive and no one is where they're supposed to be - the entire bridge is empty at the moment!"

"I'm working on it."

A slow smile dawned on Boimler's face as he heard the voices of Freeman and T'Ana fade away down the corridor. He waited until their voices had been gone for several seconds to slip out of the supply closet and dash down the hall. 


	3. Act II

"Attention all Cerritos crew," Boimler's voice rang out over the loudspeakers in Billups' quarters. Rutherford raised his head from the replicator menu in confusion. "This is Ensign Bumford speaking. Command of this ship has been transferred to me, and as of now I am Acting Captain."

" _What?"_ Rutherford asked out loud. 

"Sorry, I didn't catch that," the replicator said in a monotone. "Repeat the order."

"No, cancel order," he said quickly, and glanced around for his uniform, thrown haphazardly around the room. He quickly re-dressed, looking over to the bathroom cautiously to make sure Billups wasn't about to walk out to see him leaving. He pulled on his boots, combed a hand through his hair, and ran out the door.

Once outside, it became clear that something was wrong on the ship - every crewmate he passed was acting strangely, even for the Cerritos. He passed two officers making out in the hall, while another was graffitiing the walls. Around a corner, an officer was sitting on the floor playing with the shield cores.

"Hey!" he cried, trying to wrestle them away from him. "Those are important, what are you doing?"

The officer - an operations Lieutenant he didn't recognize - just laughed and threw a handful in the air before flopping down on to the floor. Rutherford began to gather them up, but stopped when he heard Boimler's voice crackle over the intercom once again. 

"A brave new day has dawned for the Cerritos!"

"I don't have time for this," Rutherford grumbled, setting aside the shield cores. "Just don't damage them!" he called to the Lieutenant, running down the hall again. "Whoa!" He jumped back as a crewmate brandishing a sword appeared in front of him. 

"Richelieu, beware!" She cackled, stabbing at imaginary foes. 

"I'm just gonna..." Rutherford muttered, slowly backing against the wall to get away from her. The officer spotted someone else down the hall, and, raising her weapon, began pursuit. Rutherford shook his head, then continued on his way. He stopped outside the turbolift and waited for the doors to open.

When they finally did, a Vulcan ensign stepped out, hanging his head. Rutherford was surprised to hear him sniffling, and realized with a start he was crying. 

"Hey, you okay, buddy?" he asked quietly. The Vulcan just gave him a strange look before walking away and continuing to cry.

Rutherford stepped inside the turbolift. "Bridge. Computer, what's the Stardate today?"

"It is Stardate 53208.3."

"Ah, fuck! Conversions! What year is that in Earth's calendar?"

"2376." 

"Aah!"

When the doors of the turbolift opened to reveal the bridge, Rutherford made a beeline up to the Captain's chair, in which Boimler was lounging. 

"This is the Captain speaking," Boimler said gleefully. "Under my command, there will be several changes to how the Cerritos is run. For example, the first change will be that everyone gets double portions of ice cream from the replicators."

"Dude, what are you doing?" Rutherford cried. "Don't you understand we've somehow gone back in time? You can't interfere or it'll screw up the timeline!"

Boimler laughed maniacally. Rutherford took a step back in surprise. "No, Rutherford, don't you understand? Tendi was right! We're right where we need to be right now. Time really _isn't_ as linear as humans like to think it is - there's a reason that beings like the Q and the Bajoran prophets can manipulate it so easily. This is my destiny! I remember reading the logs of this incident, okay, and an Ensign Bumford _did_ take over the Cerritos, but ship security never caught him." He grabbed Rutherford's arm. "And they'll never catch you, either. Be my chief engineer, come on-"

"No, I can't!" Rutherford pulled his arm from Boimler's grasp. "Nobody can know we're here! Well, nobody else," he admitted, blushing. "So if you read about this incident, don't you know how they got rid of whatever's affecting us?"

"Oh, yeah," Boimler shrugged, "it was pretty simple. They just had to flush the entire oxygen system, since it's spores that travel into the body through the respiratory system. They evacuated the crew to several shuttles, then remotely flushed the oxygen system, replacing it with the emergency supply. Then, they beamed back the crew, filtering out the DNA signatures of the spores, and flushed the oxygen systems of the shuttles, too. After that they had to go to a Starbase to reload on oxygen." He pillowed his arms behind his head. "They'll probably figure it out in, like, an hour or two? If that?"

"If that?!" Rutherford repeated. "So, to get this thing out of us, we have to be on those shuttles with the rest of the crew. Or, we'll die when they flush the ship of oxygen."

"Yep."

"How are you so calm about this?" He shouted. "We have to get to a shuttle immediately! We can hide there so nobody else sees us."

"Ensign Bumford still has to be on the bridge," Boimler replied, amused. "You can go, I'll get there when I get there."

"If the Captain catches you up here, your career is ruined," Rutherford pleaded. "You can't throw away all your hard work for a temporary thrill!" 

"You _smell_ of Billups' cologne," he stated bluntly. 

Rutherford bristled. "That's not fair, I didn't know I was in the past until just now."

Boimler's eyes glittered. "Exactly. Destiny will work it out."

"Since when do _you_ believe in destiny?" He crossed his arms.

"Tendi can be very persuasive."

"You're right about that," said Rutherford, thinking of the time he spontaneously decided to switch divisions for her. "And Mariner can be pretty mean to you, so if you don't stop you're gonna incur _her_ wrath too."

"I'm not going with you," Boimler insisted, rolling his eyes. "And I think Mariner's too busy to be mad at me right now!"

"What do you mean?" Rutherford snapped. 

"I mean, her and Tendi are probably _fucking_ in a supply closet a few decks down," Boimler said, like it was obvious. 

"Really?" Rutherford asked, his stomach sinking a little. 

"They were getting pretty intimate when I left."

"Oh... Well, I... I guess I missed my chance with Tendi," he mumbled. 

Boimler waved a hand carelessly. "Don't worry about it. Everyone's horny."

Rutherford stared at him in disbelief for a few moments. "What the hell," he whispered, then turned around and left the bridge. He had to go find Mariner and Tendi to get them to a shuttle. 

* * *

Mariner and Tendi stumbled into Medbay, giggling and whispering. 

"We have got to be quiet," Tendi insisted again, then broke out into more giggles.

"You are not helping," Mariner whispered, stumbling over herself in an effort to hold her laughter in. She tripped, and they ended up sprawled on the floor. "Ow, fuck."

Before Mariner could move, Tendi leaned over and pinned her wrists to the floor. 

"Hot," Mariner smirked.

They kissed again, but pulled away quickly as they heard the doors open. "Quick, we'll hide behind this curtain," Tendi hissed, and dragged her behind it. She peered out to see who it was, and watched Freeman and Dr. T'Ana approach Lt. Shaxs' bed.

Both the Captain and the Dr. were wearing medical masks, apparently having confirmed the infection was airborne. Shaxs kept reaching for T'Ana's hand and complimenting her. All T'Ana said in response to his flirtations was, "uh huh," and to the untrained listener, T'Ana was as grumpy and unbothered as ever. But Freeman saw the tiny sparkle in her eyes that indicated a smile hidden behind her mask. 

"Captain, take a look at this." She showed Freeman a slide of something on the monitor. "That's spore growth inside Shaxs' throat and lungs. Down on the planet, someone must have breathed in some spores and brought them back to the ship."

"So what can we do about it?" Freeman asked.

"It's in our oxygen system, so we have to stop breathing it in," T'Ana explained. "We can evacuate the crew to several shuttles, then remotely flush the oxygen system, replacing it with the emergency supply. Then, we beam back the crew, filtering out the DNA signatures of the spores, and flush the oxygen systems of the shuttles, too. We have enough emergency oxygen to get us to the nearest Starbase. There, we can reload on oxygen."

Freeman nodded. "Let's start evacuating the crew immediately." She tapped her commbadge. "Attention all decks, this is your Captain speaking-"

"Uh, I'm sorry Captain," a voice cut in, "but I'm in charge at the moment."

"What the hell? Who are you?!"

"Your commanding officer." Boimler snickered. "I'll give the orders when to evacuate. Right now, I just want to vibe."

"Ugh!" Freeman scoffed, and walked over to a side panel on the wall. She started typing to try and access the bridge controls, but a short error beep sounded. "What? That little- I'm locked out of the bridge!" She slammed a fist on to the wall. "I am going to get my command back!" she huffed, and stormed out of Medbay. Tendi and Mariner watched her go apprehensively.

* * *

Rutherford groaned as he wandered the halls. He couldn't find Tendi and Mariner, and he was beginning to get lost. He rounded a corner and realized he was right around Medbay. Sighing in relief for a familiar landmark, he slipped inside. "Rutherford!" Mariner called quietly from the other side of the room, and he crept over to them.

"What're you guys doing here," he hissed, just as Tendi asked, "how did we get here, Rutherford?" 

"I don't know!" They both said in unison, and Mariner snickered. 

"Did you hear-"

"-Boimler's announcement? Yeah," Tendi finished his sentence.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but being in charge kinda suits him," Mariner added.

"Did you tell him this was all destiny?" Rutherford gestured to Tendi.

"I just told him what I believe," she said defensively, "he's the one who took it to heart!"

Rutherford sighed. "He said they're gonna drain the ship's oxygen-"

"-oh fucking shit."

"-in like, an hour or two, _if that_ , and we have to get to a shuttle, but he refuses to leave the bridge!" 

"Maybe we can use the short-range transporters to beam Boimler to the shuttle with us," Mariner suggested.

"Yes," Rutherford said immediately. "Come on, we don't have much time." He beckoned, then ran out of Medbay and toward the shuttlebay. Mariner and Tendi followed close on his heels.

"What do you think went wrong with your algorithm?" Tendi asked breathlessly, as they hurried down the corridor. 

"The sensitivity was too high?" Rutherford guessed shortly. "I don't know, Tendi, I won't have an idea until I can take a look at the transporter again." They entered a turbolift. "Shuttlebay."

"Oh, okay," Tendi replied in a small voice. There was a beat, then she asked, "are you... mad at me?"

"No! No, of course not." Rutherford deflated. "I'm sorry, I'm just- a little bit scared right now." He caught Mariner's eye over the top of Tendi's head, and she nodded almost imperceptibly. 

"At least we know now not to take deep breaths to try and calm down," Mariner quipped. Tendi chortled, and Rutherford just stared straight ahead, watching the decks tick by on the screen as the lift carried them downward.

* * *

Freeman marched down the hall toward the bridge purposefully, gritting her teeth as Boimler's voice came over the intercom again. "And now, crew," he announced dramatically, "I will render an old Earth ballad, from my native land of California." He cleared his throat, and then began to sing. 

"Oh mama dear, come here, I have something you must hear, it has grieved my heart for many many days..." His voice was extremely off-key, and he fumbled and slurred his words. "Oh, I asked you once before, but you told me true no more, I am dying now and soon must pass away..." 

"What a depressing choice," Freeman muttered.

* * *

The doors of the turbolift slid open and Rutherford, Tendi, and Mariner rushed out. They hurried toward the first shuttle they saw, slamming the door shut behind them. 

"Whew." Mariner leaned on the passenger side's console. "Okay, how do we use the transporters inside these things?"

"You're sitting on the controls," Rutherford said, and she jumped away.

He typed something into the console, and it beeped at him before the screen went black.

"What happened?" Tendi asked.

Rutherford groaned. "He's set up an ion field on the bridge, to prevent us from beaming him out."

"Can you bypass it?"

"I think so, but it's gonna take a while." He blinked rapidly at the screen as it lit up again. "It's really hard to fight against these spores." He wiped his brow.

Mariner laid a hand on his arm. "You start on the transporter, we'll get the raktajinos," she said. "I'll have us sobered up in no time."

* * *

"Bridge," Freeman demanded, entering the turbolift. Boimler was still singing, his voice somehow becoming even more annoying as he progressed through the song.

"Will they tell me at the gate where the happy angels wait, there's no room for a poor old drunkard's child?"

"Freeman to bridge," she said exasperatedly, tapping her commbadge. "Ensign, I demand you return command of this ship to me at once. Let's be reasonable here," she said, adopting her diplomatic tone. "If you agree to give up this charade, no punishment need be exacted for this-"

" _Only a poor old drunkard's child!"_

"God damn it!"

* * *

Rutherford plunked his empty raktajino mug down on the console. "Okay, I've equalized the magnetospheric sub-array with the phase variance sensors, which should give us the ability to beam him out of there, even with the ion field."

Tendi drained the last drops of liquid in her mug. "We haven't got any time to lose."

Rutherford typed into the console. "I've locked on to his coordinates." He selected another button, then moved the sliders up quickly. "Energizing!"

* * *

"Bridge," the turbolift announced pleasantly. 

"Now," Freeman said, as the doors slid open to reveal the bridge, "just what the hell is going on here?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the song Boimler sings is a folk song from the 30s called The Drunkard's Child - I found it in a database of old California folk songs, and since it seems like it's one of the only ones that isn't a European song just brought over to the States, I thought it was the most appropriate one to use. [You can listen to it here!](https://www.loc.gov/item/2017655315/)


	4. Act III

"Now, just what the hell is going on here?" Freeman glanced around the bridge, only to find it empty. "...What?" She sighed, then tapped her commbadge. "Freeman to security. If any of you are _lucid_ enough, search the ship for an Ensign Bumford. He can't have gone far from the bridge."

* * *

Boimler materialized in the shuttle, still singing. "And when I went next day, I- huh? Aah!" He stumbled over his own feet, then crashed to the floor. "Ow!" He peeled himself off the floor and jumped up, immediately outraged. "Hey, I wasn't done on the bridge!"

"Uh, you definitely _were_ ," Rutherford snapped, tired of Boimler's shit. "What were you thinking, setting up that ion field?"

"I was gonna lower it!" Boimler crossed his arms. 

"And when were you gonna do that, after you screwed up the timeline?"

"Oh, that's _rich_ coming from you! You-"

"What happened to destiny?!" Rutherford interrupted, his voice rising. "You realize it's not real and stop using it as a dumb excuse to do whatever you want?"

"Oh, I'll show you _destiny_ when my fist is destined for your face!"

"Whoa, hey, guys, c'mon!" Tendi jumped between them. "It's not worth all this!" She glanced between them. "And it's not like you guys, either."

"I would never have pegged Boimler for a mean drunk," Mariner commented from the replicator, her back turned. "Wait-" she cut herself off with a snort. Tendi shot her a disapproving look. Boimler rolled his eyes and slumped against the wall while Rutherford stepped back, embarrassed. 

Mariner handed Boimler a mug, still smirking. "Here, you gotta sober up." He took it, peering into its depths suspiciously. "It's raktajino, extra sweet - I know you think it tastes like sludge without sugar." He nodded, and took a shaky sip. 

"Your head feeling any clearer?" Tendi asked, after he'd been sipping for a few moments. 

"A little," he said sheepishly. 

"That's better than nothing." Mariner perched herself on the console again. "Here's the plan, Boims - we're gonna hide in the equipment pods in the shuttle, so no one sees us when they get on. After we get beamed back to the Cerritos with everyone else, we'll figure out how to get back to our own time."

Boimler took another sip of his raktajino. "And how are we gonna do that?"

"I think I have an idea," Rutherford said. "If I can just recalibrate the particle filters-"

"Attention all decks!" Freeman's voice, fired up with a renewed determination, sounded over the intercom. "This is an order to evacuate the ship. Make your way to the shuttlebay and board the shuttles in a quick and _orderly_ manner. Any personnel left on the Cerritos after evacuation will not survive, as the ship's oxygen system is going to be purged. I repeat, this is an order to evacuate the ship." Her voice softened slightly. "The mind-altering spores are difficult to fight against, but I know you can do it. _We_ can do it. Cerritos strong! Captain out."

"Shit." Mariner hopped off the console. "We're out of time!"

This set everyone scrambling - Tendi raced to open the equipment hatch while Boimler jumped away from the wall, spilling his raktajino and swearing when some of the hot liquid landed on his thighs. Mariner took the mug from him and put in back in the replicator as Rutherford peered out the window of the shuttle. 

"Shuttlebay doors are opening!" he reported. 

"Come on!" Tendi beckoned from inside the equipment pod. It looked to be a small space. Mariner and Boimler exchanged an uncomfortable look before the former shrugged and grabbed both his and Rutherford's arms, dragging them over towards it. Mariner climbed in first, then Rutherford, then Boimler. Tendi tried to shut the hatch before he was completely in, the blunt edge slamming down on his ankle.

"Ow!"

"Sorry!"

He tucked his foot in and Tendi closed the hatch the second the shuttle's doors opened. 

Mariner shifted around in the dark, squished space uncomfortably. She could see out into the shuttle through a small crack in the hatch, and watched curiously as crewmembers flooded into the tiny shuttle, trying to ignore Boimler's loud, anxious breathing. She kicked at him, and he kicked back.

The shuttle filled up quickly, the officers grumbling like high school kids whose party had just gotten broken up by the cops. The shuttle doors slid shut again, and Captain Freeman made her way to the pilot's seat.

Her face was drawn, her mouth set in a thin line, and she fumbled with the controls for a few minutes. Mariner frowned, watching her mother struggle to concentrate as sweat poured down her face. Freeman tapped her commbadge. "T'Ana, status?"

"I'm in shuttlecraft three, Captain," came the response. "We're just loading the last few stragglers on."

"Good." Freeman wiped at her brow. "I'll do a final scan of the ship, just to make sure no one gets left behind. Be prepared to leave the ship on my signal."

"Understood. T'Ana out."

Freeman typed into the console, then a moment later a beep sounded. "We're all clear," she said. "Step on it."

The shuttle lifted off the ground and sped towards the rapidly-opening hatch of the shuttlebay. The volume in the shuttle rose, some officers shrieking in surprise and pitching backwards. Freeman ground her teeth. "Quiet back there, or God help me I'll turn this shuttle around!" The volume quieted immediately. 

Mariner smiled wryly, remembering a time Freeman had snapped the exact same thing at her on a trip from Vulcan back to Earth, when she couldn't stop herself from asking if they were home yet. The smile faded as she realized that incident took place only a few months before Freeman gained command of the Cerritos - her first ship, her first Captaincy. No wonder she had been, and was now, an anxious wreck. 

The shuttles lined up outside the Cerritos, and the shuttlebay hatch closed with a great rush of gravity. Freeman pressed a button on the control panel, and on the screen an icon of the ship turned red, then slowly filled up with green. When it was fully green, Freeman slid over to the passenger side and typed into the panel, then moved the sliders up. 

There was the peculiar tingling sensation that occurred when one's particles were pulled apart and put back together, and Mariner found herself lying on the floor of the Cerritos, pressed tightly between two of her best friends. She sat up quickly, eyeing the rest of the disoriented crew that had beamed over with them. "Let's get out of here before anyone notices us," she muttered.

* * *

In the secondary transporter room, Rutherford pulled a panel off the side of the transporter console. "I'll need to recalibrate these particle filters," he explained, "to mimic the effect of my algorithm on this transporter. Then we can adjust the environmental controls and change the gravity so that we travel forwards in time." He picked up a tool and began to scan the inside of the console, a soft whistling noise emanating from it. "It won't take that long," he assured them. 

Mariner nodded, leaning on the side of the console. Tendi rested her head on Mariner's shoulder, while Boimler sat on the floor beside Rutherford.

"Hey," he said, scratching the back of his neck. "I'm really sorry about earlier. Being drunk or under the influence of spores isn't an excuse to be an asshole. You were just trying to keep us safe, and I was a jerk."

"I was kind of a jerk too," Rutherford admitted. "I shouldn't have said destiny isn't real. I mean, it doesn't power _my_ warp drive, but evidently it does for you."

Boimler chuckled. "No, you were right, it was mostly an excuse." He tipped his head back until it rested against the side of the transporter console. "I wanted to do something reckless _so_ bad, and that was the only way I could justify it." 

"At least you had a justification." Rutherford sighed.

Boimler looked down at his hands in his lap. "So, are we cool?"

Rutherford smiled. "Yeah, we're cool. Just don't pull some shit like that again."

"Believe me, I won't."

Rutherford clicked the tool, and the whistling noise stopped. "That should do it for the recalibration." He stood and typed into the console. "I’ll just select the same transport I performed earlier." He scrolled, then tapped, and walked over to a panel on the wall. "Computer, access environmental controls."

"This action needs authorization," the computer said. "State authorization code."

Panic crossed Rutherford's face for a moment, then he snapped his fingers and it cleared. "Authorization Billups-Theta-3-3-7-9." There was a short chime, and the environmental controls came up on the screen. "Okay... We traveled back in time because the artificial gravity was lowered, compensating for the gravitational pull of the black hole. So, it would follow that, to travel forward in time, we'd have to increase the artificial gravity." He did so, typing into the screen.

The effects were instantaneous. They all dropped to the floor the moment Rutherford finished typing, groaning in agony. 

"Why does this hurt?!" Tendi cried, her cheek pressed into the floor.

"We- we have to... get to the transporter pad," Mariner panted out. She started crawling towards it extremely slowly. "Come... on..."

"It's hard... to breathe," Boimler complained, dragging himself across the room. 

"We... can... make it..."

Mariner reached the transporter pad first, and hauled herself up with a Herculean effort. She held out a hand to each of her friends to help pull them up, until the four of them were sprawled out on the transporter pad, panting hard.

"En-energize," Rutherford choked out, and they faded away.

* * *

Re-materializing on the floor of the Cerritos’ secondary transporter room, it was immediately clear that they had made it. Not only was the artificial gravity at a normal level, something in the air just felt _right_ again. Even so, Mariner rushed over to check the date on her PADD, lying on a crate.

”Stardate 57929.5,” she read, then whooped. “We made it!” 

“What time is it?” Boimler asked quickly, looking over her shoulder. “I think we left at around 1300 hours.”

“1456,” Mariner read. “We disappeared for a little while, but hopefully no one will notice.”

Boimler sighed in relief, then chuckled. Mariner joined in, and soon enough the four of them were laughing and hugging joyfully, knowing that everything was alright again.

* * *

Later, sitting at the bar, Mariner swirled the liquid in her glass uneasily. After they finished celebrating, the awkwardness had begun to set in, and it was only made worse by the fact that they all had to rush off to their next tasks before they used up too much buffer time. Mariner had spent the rest of the day worrying that Tendi might be regretting their hookup, as she hadn’t breathed a word about it to her after the spores had been purged from them. So, she asked her to meet in the bar to talk. 

“Hey Mariner,” Tendi’s voice sounded from her right. Mariner looked up from the depths of her glass to see her friend sliding into the seat beside her. “You wanted to talk?” Her voice was cheery, but the apprehension in her face betrayed her nervousness.

”Yeah.” Mariner took a sip to give her strength. "Listen, Tends, I just wanted to say - well, I don't know what you're thinking I guess, but I don't want you thinking that, just because we hooked up under the influence of those spores, that my attraction wasn't real or anything. It definitely was." She chortled a little.

Tendi visibly relaxed. "Well, that's good to know."

"But uh, at the same time, I don't want to ruin anything between us, you know?" She paused for a moment. “I just don’t want this to make our friendship awkward.”

"Then don’t feel awkward about it,” Tendi quipped.

Mariner raised an eyebrow. “Well, that wasn’t the response I was expecting.”

Tendi smiled. “Sorry. I just mean, when you messaged me asking to meet, I got scared ‘cause I thought you might have been regretting it. And didn’t want to be friends anymore, or something.”

”No way! I thought _you_ might have been regretting it!” 

They shared a laugh. “I don’t know what it’s like for humans, but on Orion it’s pretty common for friends to casually hook up.” Tendi shrugged. "So if you don't think our friendship is ruined, then I don't either."

Mariner took another sip of her drink. "So, we're cool?"

"Of course!" She brushed some verdant hair out of her eyes. "But I wouldn't be averse to hooking up again."

"Oh." Mariner blinked. "Well, in that case..." She trailed her leg up Tendi's under the table, her eyes low-lidded and mouth quirked up.

* * *

"Rutherford, my main man!" Rutherford cringed as Billups called out to him on his way out of engineering.

"Hey, sir," he said awkwardly, turning to face him. All shift, he'd been trying to avoid his superior officer, and mostly succeeding. Except for now. 

"Great job on extending the warp coils today." There was nothing different about his demeanour towards Rutherford, but he was still nervous. "Keep up the good work, and you'll find yourself in line for a promotion!"

"Thank you." Rutherford managed a small smile. 

"You know, it's funny," Billups mused, "you look _just_ like someone from a hazy, drunken memory I have." He shook his head, while Rutherford's blood ran cold. "But it's barely a memory."

"Haha, crazy! Well, see you tomorrow, sir!" Rutherford squeaked, then booked it.

* * *

Mariner, Tendi, and Boimler looked up from working on their shuttle, the Sequoia, as Rutherford burst into the repair bay. "You okay, dude?" Mariner asked, noting the fear in his eyes. 

"Yep! I'm just gonna... go inside the shuttle for a moment." He felt their curious eyes on him as he stepped inside and shut the door. 

He placed a hand on his racing heart and breathed deeply. Staring at the floor, he frowned as he realized a splotch of the carpet was darkened. "Is that...?" He bent down to inspect it. It was old, and quite faded, but it was undoubtedly a raktajino stain.

"Guys!" Rutherford burst out of the shuttle. "Come take a look at this." He beckoned, then disappeared inside again. The others exchanged confused looks before following him inside. 

They gathered around the stain, and one by one, realization dawned on each of their faces. Mariner grinned while Boimler whistled, and Tendi gave an awestruck giggle. "Like I said," Boimler murmured, "destiny." 


End file.
